Adolescent Development

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Parenting tips

Adolescents usually require privacy in which to contemplate changes taking place within their own bodies. Ideally the youth should be allowed to have his or her own room, but if this is not possible some private space needs to be allotted.

Teasing an adolescent child about physical changes is inappropriate, because it may cause self-consciousness and embarrassment.

Parents need to remember that the adolescent's interest in body changes and sexual topics is natural, normal development and does not necessarily indicate movement into sexual activity.

One must take care not to label emerging instinct/behaviors as "wrong," "sick," or "immoral." Adolescents may experiment with or consider a wide range of sexual orientations/behaviors prior to settling upon their own sexual identity.

A re-emergence of the Oedipal complex (child's attraction for the parent of the opposite sex) is common during adolescent years. Healthy parents deal with this by noting the physical changes and attractiveness of the child and taking pride in the youth's growth into maturity without crossing appropriate parent and child relationship boundaries.

It is normal for the parent to find the adolescent attractive, particularly as the teen often looks very similar to appearance of the other (same sex) parent at an earlier age. This attraction may cause the parent to feel awkward, but care should be taken by the parent not to create distance (and potentially make the adolescent feel something is wrong with him or her self). It is inappropriate for a parent's attraction to their child to be anything more than an attraction as a parent (incest).

The teenager's quest for independence is normal development and need not be looked upon by the parent as rejection or a loss of control. To be of most benefit to the growing adolescent, parents need to remain a constant and consistent figure, available as a sounding board for the youth's ideas without dominating and overtaking the emerging, independent identity of the young person.

Despite adolescents constantly challenging authority figures, they need or want limit setting as it provides a safe boundary in which to grow and function. Limit setting refers to predetermined and negotiated rules and regulations regarding behavior.

In contrast, "power struggles" arise when authority is at stake or being "right" becomes the primary issue. These situations should be avoided as ultimately one of the parties (typically the teen) is overpowered; causing the youth to lose face and activating feelings of embarrassment, inadequacy, resentment, and bitterness.

Parents need to be prepared for and recognize that there are commonly occurring conflicts that may develop in parenting adolescents. The experience may be influenced by unresolved issues from their own childhoods as well as unresolved issues from the adolescent's earlier years.

Parents can anticipate their positions of authority to be repeatedly challenged as children enter and move through their adolescent years. Maintaining open lines of communication and clear, yet negotiable, limits or boundaries may prove useful in minimizing major conflicts.

Most parents report a sense of increased wisdom and self-growth and they rise to the challenges presented through parenting adolescents.